They Paved Paradise...

Do you remember that old Joni Mitchell (also done by Amy Grant) song "Big Yellow Taxi"? I must confess that when I was younger, I thought the lyrics said "a pink paradise and put up a parking lot". Totally doesn't make sense, but I didn't think about that when I was young. I also didn't know that it was originally done by Joni Mitchell. I always thought it was an Amy Grant song. Since I'm confessing... until I just double-checked my information for this post, I thought the line was "they paint paradise...". So, it wasn't until a few minutes ago, that I realized that the line actually reads "they PAVED paradise..."

Now that I have a clear conscience about that whole deal, I can get on with the real point of my post. I have been thinking of that song a lot today, because of a line in the song... a completely different line than I just spent a paragraph discussing. I've actually been thinking a lot about the line which states "that you don't know what you've got til its gone". Really, this is silly. But, I have been missing my bluetooth, of all things! When I was pregnant, my hubby told me he was going to get me a bluetooth, because he thought it would be safer for me to be talking with a bluetooth on my ear than trying to hold a phone and drive or hold a phone and change a diaper, etc. I debated with him for weeks, telling him that I didn't need one and that we didn't need to spend the money on a "convenience item". Shortly thereafter, he got a bonus at work. What did he do with it? He bought me a bluetooth. I reluctantly agreed to just use it since he had already purchased it for me.

Well, wouldn't you know that I grew rather accustomed to that little piece of plastic heaven. And, when that precious "convenience item" went berzerk on me and stopped working, I was annoyed. It was just so inconvenient to have to actually hold a phone again. (sarcastic violin music here).

The good news is that we keep documentation of just about everything. (Thanks, mom, for teaching me the importance of that). So, we looked and realized that I hadn't even had the bluetooth for a year. My sweet hubby called Motorola and explained the problem and how my bt wasn't working any longer. After following the "return goods process", I received my new bluetooth in the mail last week! Free of charge! And it is wonderful! I didn't know I'd miss it until I no longer had it available to me. Yes, I could live without it. But, as my husband says, "But isn't it nice to have it?" Sure is!

Long Overdue Baby Shower Post

Well, this post is soooo overdue. But, I have a good excuse. I wanted to put pictures up with this post, but our camera takes pictures so big that it takes forever to upload them onto Blogger. So, my wonderful husband made time to show me how to resize pictures the other night. Now, resized, I have some pictures to add to this post. I hope the pictures make up for having to wait so long.

Me and Amy

So, here we go...

Many of you know that my dearest friend, Amy, is having a baby. So about 6 weeks ago, Toad and I were fortunate enough to fly to California, in order to throw Auntie Amy a baby shower!! Toad and I are both extremely excited. Toad is excited to have a new little friend and I'm thrilled that my best friend and her sweet hubby are about to experience the most amazing, life-changing, heart-growing, blessed event ever! Seeing these belly pictures make us even more giddy with excitement. (Okay, well, maybe Toad doesn't understand enough to be giddy. But, if he did, he'd be just as giddy as his mama.)

Toad wanted to be in a picture with mama and Auntie Amy

Anyway, I was disappointed that the weather didn't cooperate with my plans. It was my intention to have Amy's baby shower outside, in my parents' backyard. But, as "shower day" approached, the weather man kept indicating that the only outdoor shower we might have would be the 40% chance of rain showers. So, we managed to fit 40 people in my parents' living room. It was cozy, but we had a good time, nonetheless. Friends and Family

Guests playing a baby trivia game

Guests brought an item for Amy's hubby... to put in his "Daddy's survival kit". We played some games and had some yummy food. And, there were presents.... LOTS OF PRESENTS!!! So, Amy spent most of the time opening gifts that were so generously and thoughtfully given to her from many friends and family to whom she and her hubby are so dear. Some friends, including Mrs. B, Jan and Jana even *made* gifts (blankets, teddy bears, onesies) for "Baby B". I was thoroughly impressed.

Onesie made by Mrs. B Blanket made by JanBlanket made by Jana

And, where Jana found time to get all crafty on us, while caring for her own infant, is beyond me. But, major points go out to her. Jana and her sweet boy

Overall, it was a wonderful time. Amy looked absolutely beautiful. I'm sure pregnant women everywhere would love to look as good as she does. Many friends and family members came from near and far to celebrate this joyous occasion. It was so good to catch up and talk, even for just a few moments, in the business of all the happenings.
Guests chatting and standing under the pregnancy picture timelineCousin D, Aunt P, and GrannyHigh school friends, Liz, Amy, RachLong time friend, Amie, with Alli's baby girl and Rach's baby boy

Oh, and I'm not sure if it ever even rained... but, it did HAIL as people were trying to get to their cars to leave. Ay yay yay!

For a beautifully written account of the day, from Dez's perspective, check out this extremely well-written post.

Perspective

Yesterday, I was watching some news show. Well, sort of. It was on and I was half-heartedly paying attention. Toad was on my lap, quietly resting. It was such a sweet moment. There aren't too many moments when he is just "still" anymore. He likes to be moving and going most of the time. Unless he is really tired. Then, he'll let daddy hold him, as his legs dangle limply, stretching down the entirety of daddy's torso, feet crossed at the ankles. Oh how I love that!
So, I was relishing the sweet stillness of the precious babe in my embrace. But, something caught my attention. The news show was reporting a story of a 9 year old girl in Cambodia. She was born with a hole in her heart, the size of a quarter. She lives in a village with no electricity and no running water. Her mother makes $1 a day. Her heart condition could be fatal. But, her mother can't afford the kind of medical expertise it would require to mend the heartache. Long story short: Money was raised and the little girl was flown to the US, where a team of doctors performed the life-saving surgery. She has been seeing a whole new world here in the US, as she waits for the recovery period to end, so she can return home. The little girl is happy and now, healthy.
I sat there, with my son in my arms, almost in tears. I thought about his short little life and how grateful I am that he has not had to endure such a serious medical condition. I conversed with God and thanked him for giving us the ability to seek necessary medical care and for the privelege we have of possessing health insurance. Not only was I humbled, but utterly overwhelmed, as well. Humbled and grateful that the most severe medical problems Toad has experienced, thus far, have been an ear infection and a stomach bug. Overwhelmed with appreciation for the blessing of being able to call the doctor, on a phone, and receive a return call shortly thereafter. Blessed to know that, if need be, we could take Toad to the hospital and our insurance would cover a significant portion of the cost. I'm thrilled that this little girl received healing for her heart. Yet, I'm saddened that her mother never felt secure in the fact that she could get her daughter the help she so desperately needed. I'm sad that her mother was never certain that her daughter would live until her next birthday, or her next, or next.
This story just put all of my blessings in perspective. For that, I am genuinely grateful.

What is this thing called Beauty?

All of my life I have struggled with the idea of beauty, seeing it so abundantly when looking at others, but feeling so jipped when looking at myself. I've always struggled with my personal self-image. I remember some guy friends in high school who "scored" me a 15 out of 10 when it came to my body or my looks. Most would be flattered by that, but not me. I was mad that they would say that because I knew they must just be mocking me, because I was nowhere close to even a 10.

I wonder what it is that comes to mind when God thinks of beauty. I think of His sunsets and sometimes the whole landscape with the mountains and sunset together. Although, as some of my friends here know, I don't always think of mounds of dirt and brown grass as "beautiful". Does God think of His creation, inasmuch as the landscape, sunsets, fall trees with colors anew, and the green grass? Or, does He picture people?

When I think of beauty, I think of some of those inanimate objects of nature. But, mostly, I think of the faces and bodies of people that our world determines to be the standard for "beauty". I see beautiful people all around me, all the time. And, it is hard for me. I'm jealous. I'm sad. I'm disappointed that when God created my outward appearance, He didn't create me more like "so and so". I realize that sounds unholy of me. But, I'm human. I have insecurities. Perhaps mine just manifest themselves in this self-image struggle. I feel like I just don't and never will measure up to being what I would consider even "beautiful for me".

Why is it that my heart yearns so deeply to be considered beautiful. Not just on the inside, but truly to be seen, with human eyes, as an attractive woman? I am fully aware that in God's eyes, I am beautiful. I know that is what I am supposed to focus on and tell myself. I know all the "right, Christian answers". Sometimes while my head knows these things, it is hard to convince my heart. Sometimes the truths of "God thinks you are beautiful" and "He created you just the way He wants you" feel like pat answers. Sometimes those statements feel like empty, hollow words that don't satisfy the ache inside this human, fleshly woman.

Some may think I am being sacreligious. That isn't my intent at all. I simply need to be honest, raw, vulnerable and real. I need to put into words all the emotions, numbness, thoughts, and experiences that have been swirling around in my head for the past couple weeks. I don't want to put on a front and pretend like I am holier or more righteous than I really am. I am flesh. I am human. I am God's child. I am His creation. Lately, the human part of me has been struggling. Seriously struggling to understand why my post-baby body looks as it does. Struggling to come to love myself in this "new" package. But, it is hard. And it is personal.

I acknowledge that Satan is enjoying how poorly I have been feeling about myself. Do I want him to have that power? Of course not! My dilemma is this: I don't know how to take back that control and still be honest with myself about what I see reflected in the mirror and how I feel about my physical appearance.

Yes, I'm praying. And I've spent all day just listening to worship music. No tv. No other distractions. Just worship music. I've been in the Word, too. Yet, the negative perception I have of myself is extremely difficult to penetrate.

**This post is simply me being honest with where I am right now. It is how I feel. I realize that some of my family or friends may feel the need to try to convince me that my view of myself is wrong. I am not asking for that. I am not fishing for compliments or looking for any pity pleasantries. I am simply using this as an outlet to pour out my heart... in an effort to try to work through all this stuff. Prayers, however, are appreciated.

Holy Crap!

Yesterday, Toad and I ran a couple errands. We went to the doctor and then I treated myself to a caramel macchiato at the Starbucks drive-through on the way home. It was a good morning. The doctor put some fears to rest regarding the leg pain I'd been having...AND I got a glorious, delicious, hit-the-spot coffee, too! How much better could it get?! So, we headed home for Toad's nap.
I was on the phone with my mom as I pulled into the garage. As I unbuckled him from his car seat, I could smell the result of the "bearing down" grunts I had heard on the way home. "Pew, Toad, you stink", I said to him, while juggling my coffee, the phone and the car door. What happened next was fully unexpected and shocked me so much that all I could say was "Oh my gosh! Oh MY GOSH! OH MY GOSH!!" My mom was becoming worried, on the other end of the phone, as she kept asking for an explanation to my exclamations. I couldn't find any other words at the time, though. So, I quickly told her I'd have to call her back.
You've heard the expression that "sh** hit the fan", right? Well, in my case, crap hit the floor! The garage floor! Wet pooh! I don't even know what really made me look, but something caught my eye as I shifted Toad from his car seat to my hip. I saw something fall. It was crap!! Yes, baby poop fell out of his shorts and onto the floor.
At that moment, I was less concerned about the floor and more concerned about whether putting him on my hip had created a permanent poop stain on my brand new shirt and/or favorite pair of capris. Not wanting more poop to leak on to me, I stood Toad on the garage floor, holding onto his hands, and tried to assess the situation. Much to my delight, there was zero pooh on me! I was thrilled by that discovery, yet, I was still in shock at what had happened. Don't get me wrong, I've dealt with my share of poop. I've scrubbed it out of his clothes and cleaned it up from sheets, his car seat and my clothes before. But, this was just so unexpected that I was almost paralyzed by the reality of the situation.
As I held Toad's hands up in the air, he started to twist. To avoid him twisting his body into a pretzel, I ever-so-meticulously placed one arm under his armpits and one arm under his waist and carried him into the house. Not wanting him to squirm, I pretended we were playing "superman" and rushed him to the changing table. That is where I discovered that his diaper hadn't failed to catch his pooh, but rather he had unloaded so much that the diaper just couldn't stand up to the task.
The bad news is that it looks like a sick cat took a dump on our garage floor. Apparently, poop stains concrete. The good news is this: despite Toad emptying himself so much that he overflowed his diaper, soiled his cute athletic shorts, left poop juice on his car seat and a plop of nasty, stinky pooh on the garage floor, I didn't have to change my clothes!! My outfit made it through the whole ordeal with not so much as one bit of a stain. Then, again, my top was black, so perhaps it was just camoflauged. Maybe I should go check again. :)
Luckily, Toad waited til we got home to reveal his hard work. I shouldn't complain...especially after having recently read this post from Lorie... and this one, too. Oh, and then I remembered this post from Jana.
Gotta find the humor in the poop... or else you'll just be stinkin' irritated. A lot.