Gratitude

So, I realize it has been FOREVER since I last blogged. And, yes, I still need to blog about a pretty huge event in our lives... the birth of our daughter!
But, that post will come. For now, I need to put my thoughts onto the proverbial paper.

A couple months ago, around Thanksgiving time, our pastor was talking about gratitude and I was overwhelmed with the feeling of thankfulness for the way that those who love us have shown their support over the past several months. I felt like it was important for me to express to our friends and family how much their generosity, love and support, (anonymous or not), has meant to me.

Many of you know that my husband was laid off in May, when I was 4 months pregnant with our daughter. He was out of work for 5 months and started a new job only 6 days after our sweet baby girl was born. As hard as this all has been on us, I have been reminded multiple times of how God has provided for us. I've also been reminded that God will choose to provide in whatever ways He chooses and by using whomever He wants. This has been tremendously humbling for me. I guess it is hard for me to accept the generosity of others, because I wish I weren't in the position of being the "receiver". I so badly wish to be in the "giver's seat" again. In the past, we were fortunate enough to have been able to bless others and I miss having that ability.

We have family members who have been amazingly wonderful over the past many months. When my in-laws pick up something we need from Costco, they only accept hugs and kisses from Cody as payment. And, when my folks are visiting, they pay for most of the meals, groceries, Costco trips while they are here. It is definitely a huge blessing. Yet, it is hard. Hard to let others do for us the things they've done. While accepting such generosity is hard for me, I want to ensure that all those involved in blessing us know that it is appreciated. I certainly don't want to come across as ungrateful... just humbled.

You see, in addition to having amazing families, we also have this unbelievable group of friends. I am overwhelmed as I think of these friends, because they have become more than just friends. God has used these people in our lives to remind us that He will provide. Maybe He won't provide in the ways that I want or the ways I expect, but He has provided nonetheless, and He has used these friends to show us Himself. Honestly, I'd rather He provide in the way I want...a promotion/salary increase for my hubby. But, perhaps, He is wanting me to learn more about humility, dependence and His provision.
All that background is to bring me to my main purpose in writing this blog today. I want to share some of the ways God has provided. As I sit and list the ways He has shown His goodness to us, I'm in awe. Utter awe.

The first incident happened the day we found out my husband was getting laid off. I had been looking on Craigslist for a toddler bed for our son. I had made arrangements to meet the lady to look at the bed when my hubby came home and shared "the news". So, I let the lady know that we wouldn't be coming to look at the bed after all. Via the course of our emails back and forth, she learned that my hubby had been laid off and that I was expecting our second child. She emailed me at midnight the following night and told me that the Lord had urged her to just give us the bed...and the bedding that went with it. Talk about overwhelming. I cried and cried and cried as I read her email offering this. She didn't even know me! I could have been a scammer for all she knew. Yet, she followed the Lord's urging and made an impact on me in a way no other stranger ever has.

I will probably never forget a day back in June when I got the mail. Two envelopes, with our address as the return address, sat in our mailbox. When I saw them, I knew something was up. I called to my hubby and told him to come open the mail with me. He did. What we found blew us away... 11 gift cards...sent to us "anonymously". Since that time, we have randomly received gift cards to the grocery store from some friends who have given just because they want to. One particular time, after having just been fretting about the status of our checking account, I sat down to write the grocery list. Just before I started to write the list, I decided to open the mail. What did I find? A gift card to Frys (our grocery store). Amazing.

A month before our daughter was born, my mom called me and said she needed my bank account number. Of course, I was suspicious and told her I don't give that information out. She said someone had called her and told her that God had laid it on their heart to give us some money. The person doesn't even know us that well. How do I respond to such selfless giving?

A couple weeks ago, I was sitting at the computer thinking of how God has promised to care for our needs. I had resolved to try to focus more on how He has provided, rather than worrying about what we don't have or how discouraged I am about money. Right as I was thinking on how God has provided in various ways, my hubby got a call from his boss telling him that the employee "on-call" that weekend had an emergency and that my hubby could be "on-call" for the next few days if he wanted to. Rather than being grumpy about him being "on-call", I was grateful for the opportunity God had provided for him to make a little extra money.

That same day, I met a friend at Starbucks and had given myself permission to use a few dollars I had received from Christmas to buy myself a long-awaited coffee. But, my friend got there before I did. And, when I saw her, she simply said, "I already got yours." Grateful and humbled, yet again.

Oh, and the other day, I was looking at the information for a Bible study I wanted to take. When I emailed to ask about ordering the book, I was informed that someone had already covered the cost of my book. How do people know how I need to be loved? I had been debating on taking the class and had decided that if I could get the book online at a discounted rate, I'd take the class. Free is definitely a discounted rate.

And then, today... a friend is putting together a cookbook compiled from several friends' recipes. I contributed recipes to the cookbook, but wasn't planning to buy one, simply because it is a luxury--not a necessity. And, right now, we're trying to stick with the necessities only. However, my mom wanted to buy a cookbook for herself and said she was gonna get me one, too. When I told my friend that my mom was gonna order two (one for me and one for her), my friend said that someone else had already purchased one for me. I'm overwhelmed here, people. Do you understand? We have friends that have gone far above and beyond anything we'd ever expect. It isn't as if I need the cookbook. Of course, I wanted one. But, someone bought one for me just to bless me. I don't even know what to say.

Oh, and one more thing... being pregnant with a little girl and having no income and no "girl clothing", I had resolved that our little girl would likely be wearing our son's old baby clothes. Cute on a girl? No. But, they would at least keep her warm. But, nope. God had other plans. Friends and family members gave us a slew of hand-me-down girl clothes and we were showered with clothes and diapers and everything girly at a beautiful shower that another friend threw for me. Seriously, we even had people send us clothes from other states. When we got home from the hospital, there was a Costco sized box of diapers on our front door step, left there anonymously. Maybe the same "diaper fairy" that sent me a gift card to Wal-Mart several months back was the one who left these diapers on my doorstep. Or, perhaps they were left by the same person who left me a Costco sized box of diapers at a MOPS meeting a month later.

I just don't know what to say, other than THANK YOU. I think the hardest part of accepting others' generosity is that I feel I haven't earned it and I so wish it was me doing the giving. And, the hardest part of accepting anonymous gifts is that I can't thank anyone, specifically. So, if you are reading this and you are "anonymous", please know how grateful I am for your expressions of love and generosity.

These friends I talk about... they are more like family. In fact, in June, one of them suggested that we do a potluck party so that my son could still have a birthday party. I can still hear her saying, "We're family. That's what family does." I am beyond grateful to have the family and the "family" that I do. I truly am grateful for how God has orchestrated all of our lives to be intertwined. And, I can't imagine my life without these friendships.

While God hasn't increased my husband's salary and hasn't provided in the ways I would have expected, He has provided nonetheless. For all who have allowed God to use them to bless us, please know that there aren't words enough for me to express my gratitude.

I know I may have rambled... but I needed to put to paper what has been brewing in my heart for so many months.
THANK YOU TO THOSE WHO HAVE LOVED US AND SUPPORTED US IN SO MANY WAYS.