Longing

As many of you know, I was recently in California throwing a baby shower for my best friend. More on the shower in an upcoming post. Anyways, my trip was interesting, a hodge podge of emotions. It was, and always is for me, exciting to be going on a trip. The anticipation of getting to the airport, on the plane, and driving to my parents' house is always thrilling. But, my trip, overall was just a flurry of different feelings and emotions, which ultimately left me feeling a deep sense of longing.

Let me explain.

Just being "home" with my family and watching them with Toad meant the world to me. It was such a fulfilling feeling. Learning that my sister-in-law's father was in the hospital left me feeling concerned and sad. Knowing that the two minutes we got to see her (in her work parking lot) might be the only time we would get to spend together was disappointing. Learning that she and my "adopted aunt" were going to both be able to make it to my parents house to spend a few days filled me with happiness. Watching my brother change Toad's poopy pants left me in stitches. Seeing how he interacted with Toad melted my heart. Having a sister-in-law who just fits in with such ease and who also loves Toad so much was priceless.
Trying to run all the baby shower errands, cross off everything on the lists and adjust for the maddening weather change caused me to feel exhilarated, yet frantic, at times. Desperately desiring to create an atmosphere where Amy would feel as loved as I did when she threw my baby shower catapulted me into a state of feeling really emotional. Emotional because I know how intentional Amy is when she does things for other people. Emotional because I wanted everything to be perfect for her, yet frustrated because I couldn't control the weather conditions. Emotional because of the reason for the celebration in the first place.
For weeks, leading up to the shower, each time I thought about Amy and her sweet husband preparing to welcome their little one into the world, I got choked up. Typing this, I am in tears. Good tears, but emotional, nonetheless. I had to ask a friend of ours to pray at the shower because I just knew I wouldn't make it through the prayer. I knew I'd bawl my eyes out if I were to try to verbalize the joy that is mine, just knowing the joy that is theirs. I know that not every child is as blessed to have two committed, loving, Christ-seeking parents eagerly awaiting their arrival. I know that not every child is wanted and loved the way that this little guy already is... by not just his parents, but by countless family and friends who are anxious to meet him. I know that the love they have for him will continue to grow indescribably and infinitely. So, I was emotional.
Friends had come from Los Angeles, Long Beach, San Francisco, Pasadena, Indiana, and Kansas to be there to celebrate with Amy. However, many of these friends are also friends of mine. Friends with whom I have a history... a sense of being known. Friends with whom I don't have to explain my whole life story in order for them to know where I am coming from. Friends who were there while significant portions of my "life story" were developing. I so wanted to sit down and spend some quality time just catching up and reminiscing. I yearned to talk about anything and everything, noting how we've changed and how we haven't. Yet, there wasn't time for that. The time flew by and then everyone was back to wherever they came from, even if that was just across town.
I am grateful to have just seen those familiar faces. The faces of women with whom I have shared many joys and many trials. Somehow, though, seeing those faces and knowing the conversations that could have been left me longing for more time. I longed to go sip coffee and talk for hours about the most recent avenues our lives have taken. I regret not planning well enough to make that happen. And so I long for those women. And I long for what they represent in my life. I long to feel known the way I do with those amazing ladies. For now, I will continue to invest in the women in my life, here... seeking to share my heart with them. That way, they will become part of my "history", my "life story" as the current chapter and those still unwritten unfold. For now, I will cherish the women who truly know me, whether they be miles away or right down the street.

Birthday Fun

I have been so busy trying to unpack and get back into the routine of things here at home that I haven't had a chance to post about my birthday, yet. That's right. I recently had a birthday. It was a day of highs and lows, if I am being completely honest.
I got up and went to MOPS with Toad. That was fun. He even got a walker from the "free to a good home" table. That was awesome. Now, he is free to be more mobile than he was before. So, that was great. My friend and table leader burst out in "Happy Birthday to you..." as soon as I walked in the door. A bit embarrassing, but nice to feel loved and remembered, nonetheless. After MOPS, Toad took a nap and I tried to rest and recooperate from our travels. I didn't sleep, though. Instead, my mind meandered through the happenings of the previous week...seeing friends and spending quality time with family. What a complete joy to have spent such treasured time with those so dear to me (more on that in another post), yet I found myself sad and kinda down because I wasn't sharing my birthday with them. And it didn't feel special to be "celebrating" without them present. It isn't as if I haven't had birthdays apart from them, but having just been with them for a nice chunk of time, it was a bit disheartening to be without them on my "special day". And I flat out didn't feel like the day was any different than any other. So I fought those sad feelings and tried to tell myself to snap out of it.

Then, my wonderful, amazing, loving husband came home from work... and I officially felt special. Sitting on the floor, playing with Toad, I heard the door unlock. Looking up, I saw a vision of red....36 long-stemmed red roses preceded his entrance into the living room. Oh my word! Are you kidding me? One rose would have been sweet. A dozen would have been special, but 3 dozen beautiful roses for me? Me??!!?? Who am I to deserve such a romantic, sweet, thoughtful gesture. Oh, right.... I'm the birthday girl who has an amazingly loving husband who fully delighted in making my day special. Overwhelmed by the number of roses he gifted me with, I expressed that so many roses weren't necessary, but were certainly appreciated. He then said that he thought about getting me one rose for every year old I was, but figured if **(fill in my age here) roses were good, 3 dozen would be even better.

The roses would been present enough for me, but the gifts didn't end there. My hubby disappeared into the back room and brought out a box for me. I opened it and found what appeared to be a bicycle handle, outfitted with the foam grip and all. Puzzled, I looked at him as if to request an explanation. It was an asp. An expandable baton. A weapon. Yes, my hubby gave me a weapon for my birthday. The reason behind this, though, is that he wants me to have a serious form of protection for any time he is away. He wants to ensure that Toad and I are always safe. Sweet. "Interesting", but sweet.

Just before leaving for dinner, I checked my email. In my inbox I found an email from him, entitled "happy birthday". Attached to the email was a gift certificate for a nice spa package. So, after I pull my muscles beating the snot out of an intruder with my asp, I can head to the spa and relax with a nice long massage, pedicure, manicure, etc. So exciting! I love, love, love massages. I can not wait. Well, actually I can. I have this tendency to save up gift certificates "in case I want them in the future". I hate to use them because once I do, they are gone. Anyway, I am happy to report that I scheduled a massage for next week. However, I am using the gift certificate that my hubby gave me for Christmas in order to get that massage. But, I am comforted knowing that I still have another gift certificate for later use.

Off to dinner we went. My hubby took me to a teppanyaki place that I hadn't been to yet. The waiter was quite entertaining and the food was great. Afterwards, we tried the new gelato place and oh boy was it incredible! In fact, it was so yummy that we are going back next week with friends.

We got home and my hubby reminded me that I still needed to open my card from him. Yet another fun surprise! Inside the very sweet card was a Starbucks gift card and some cash to spend just on myself. Of course, I'll save the cash "just in case I need it in the future" like I did with the $100 bonus I received from work 3 1/2 years ago. But, hey, it will be there if and when I want to spend it, right?

To top it off, I was treated to a long, relaxing back massage from my hubby before the night was over. As if that wasn't enough, when I went to lay my head down for the night, I found another little monetary surprise on my pillow. It was "just for me" to spend on anything I like. And if you know me at all, you won't be surprised to hear that I put it in the bank today... "just in case".

My husband made my "special day" special. That is only one of the reasons I love him so much.

Carry-on luggage

Today, as I was continuing to pack, I was complaining to Toad about how much I dislike packing. He, being the little guy that he is, was unfamiliar with the whole packing process. He was asking about the suitcases. So, I explained to him that the little suitcase was going to be my "carry-on". I proceeded to share with him that I put my most important travel items in my carry-on because those are the items that I would be really upset about losing, if my luggage were to get lost. And since I have experience with lost luggage and airlines not reimbursing for the most expensive and/or most sentimental items, I lectured him about always putting his most important items in his carry-on and keeping it close at hand when traveling. After finishing my spiel about all of this, I went to the laundry room to grab something I needed to pack. When I returned to the bedroom, this is what I found.

Mom, I packed your most precious cargo.

Now, I just have to get comfortable in here.

I'm in! Can you zip me up?

Just kidding, mom. I'm outta here! I guess I'm going to be your real "carry-on".

**Disclaimer: This was a dramatization. No children were harmed in the creation of this post. Photos were staged and captured under strict adult supervision.

Traveling

The anticipation. The excitement. The fun to be had. Oh how I love to go on trips. Even if those trips are just going "home". I put the word *home* in quotes, because my husband has reminded me that where I live (AZ) is home. But, going to see family and old friends and getting to go to some of my favorite food spots (Jakes, Sequoia, Mannings) has the feeling of "home" to me. So, whatever term is correct, I am going to CALIFORNIA in less than two weeks. And I am super excited!!
I get to take my son to see his Grandma and Grandpa and his great Gram... and of course, he will get to see his favorite Auntie A and Uncle T! I will get to see my best friend, who I haven't seen since October and who now actually looks pregnant. I can't wait to feel that little baby kick and just share in the joy of celebrating the new little life that is about to enter our world. I am so looking forward to seeing several other friends, old friends, whom I haven't seen in quite some time. To watching my parents love on my son. To enjoying having my bro and sis-in-law spoil him with hugs and kisses and maybe a cupcake, too. To showing them how much he has grown and changed and how much of a "big kid" he has become in the past few months.
My list of "things I want to do while I'm in Cali" is growing each day. But, before I can get to those things, I have another list to tackle: my packing list. I absolutely hate packing. Always afraid I'll forget something, I have a general, yet detailed "travel list" saved on my computer. But, with a baby, who changes so rapidly, it is hard to keep up with his list. Some things that I needed to pack for him in November aren't necessary now, but have been replaced by other, ever-so-important items. Now, if I can just remember what they are, I'll be set.
I know. I'm going "home". They have stores there. I have family there. Family who won't allow us to go without if we forget to pack an all-important item. But, still. I hate to forget things, and quite honestly, I love to make lists. I just hate to pack. I stress over packing. How do I know what to pack? How do I know what the weather will really end up being? What if Toad wets through his outfit twice in one day. I know. My parents have a washing machine. They even have baby laundry detergent. Yet, I stress. That is precisely why I will start my packing this week. :) I'll overpack and I'll end up not wearing half of what I take with me. But, I'll be prepared. And, I'll have a wonderful trip... even if I do forget something.

What's in a Name?

Isn't it funny how parents spend countless hours debating over what to name their child? After all, this is the label by which they will be recognized for their entire lives. It is a huge decision and a hefty responsibility. We discuss and debate and practice how the name options will sound. Finally, we settle on a name, only to end up calling the child by some random nickname half the time anyways.
Case in point: We named our son a name that lit up my husband's face every time he practiced saying it. Yet, more often than not, we call him Toad, Skeezix, Mortimer (pronounced "mo-tee-mo"), Lethargic Larry, Gomer, Bodey Bode, Bud Bud...and for the appropriate occasions, Fussbutt, Crankypants, Stinkpot and Naked Baby. Of course, there are times when we call him by his given name, or by the adoring monikers Precious Baby, Sweet Boy or Little Guy.
As I look at the list of names we call him, I realize that they aren't particularly flattering. Think about it. What connotations do people have when they hear the names Skeezix, Gomer and Mortimer? They probably aren't conjuring up images of a beautiful, blue-eyed, melt-your-heart-with-his-smile, lovable, giggly baby boy. In fact, I actually think of old crotchety men when I think of those names. To think that we put so much thought and consideration into picking "just the right name" only to end up calling him by everything but that name makes me wonder...What are we setting him up for!?!?! Yikes. Hopefully, we aren't causing irreparable damage to his little psyche.
I remember being called Shrimp, Squirt, Shorty, Rosebud and Pumpkin. I hated some of those names (thanks a lot, bro!). Yet, I am able to look back and laugh at them, now. So, what's in a name, after all?

$4300

A couple weeks ago, I heard a radio personality talking about how Superbowl tickets were going for $4300! Holy shnikes! So, it made me start thinking about what I would do if I had an extra $4300 just lying around. What would I do with that kind of cash, if I had to do something "not practical" with it? If you know me at all, you know that I'd probably put it in the bank and save it. In fact, if this proposed "economic stimulus check" truly does land in my mailbox, that is likely what I will do with it... Put it in the bank. But, what if you just happened to have an extra four grand? Suppose you did and suppose you weren't allowed to spend it on practical things like bills, mortgages, savings, etc. What would you spend it on? (This means you are supposed to comment and tell me what you'd do with it.)

Me? I'd probably spend it on a trip with my husband or I'd buy several round trip tickets to CA to see friends and family... especially to Northern Cali, so I'd be able to see my friend and her baby boy whenever I wanted. Oh, and I'd get massages. Lots and lots of massages. Who doesn't love a good, deep tissue massage?!?
Sometimes it is just fun to dream. So, tell me, what would you do with that extra cash?

The Curse

Yesterday, while driving to Costco, what happened? My check engine light came back on!!!! GRR!!!!!! If you read my previous posts about all the car/emissions crap we've dealt with lately, you'll certainly understand my frustration. It is almost laughable now...but not quite. Perhaps we are just cursed by the "check engine light" devil.