Torn

That's how I've been feeling lately. Just plain torn. It seems like regardless of how great things seem to be in my world, there is always one particular issue that manages to creep up on me. Why must this be? I don't know, but it is exhausting, mentally.
So, I'm torn between several emotions. Torn between feeling guilty and angry. Guilty for not being more of who others want me to be and angry at the fact that they want me to be someone I'm not.
Torn between frustration and apathy. Frustrated that this issue continues to plague me. Yet, tempted to just not care anymore.
Understanding vs. hurt. Understanding why certain things have been said or done, but still hurt that those things have been said and done.
Honesty vs. retreating. It seems that my honesty isn't accepted as genuine, but is used against me, instead. Thus, I wish to retreat and simply not open up and allow myself to be vulnerable.
As I ponder feeling so torn, I realize that this feeling is not unique to this one situation that continues to rear its ugly head. I'm broken-heartedly torn between wanting to be here and wanting to be "there". It brings tears to my eyes to know how much they are missing out on, yet I don't know that it will ever be any different. I feel torn about even less serious issues. Torn between taking a nap and getting laundry done.... between taking time for myself or "doing it all"...between hopping on a plane right now to go see this precious little boy, or patiently, responsibly waiting until the agreed upon time. At times, I'm even torn between fear and trust.
Torn and tired... and tired of being torn.